It Used to Take a Village!

Let's go back to when our Grandmothers were little girls. They grew up in a home, with usually several other siblings. They would help their mother with chores around the house, were taught how to make beautiful meals, how to keep the floor clean, how to wash clothing (by hand) hang them to dry, starch them and iron. They may have missed out on some childhood, but children, usually only went to school until they were about 15 years old, then they worked or stayed home with Mom to help her with the younger siblings. Then you would get married and start a home of their own, and the transition wasn't a huge deal, because of the knowledge that had been passed from Mother to Daughter, and the help of female family members while she settled into her new life.

Now, most Moms still teach their children how to do those things, but here is where the difference comes into play. While the Father was at work, it was very common for Sisters, Aunts, Mother, Grandmothers, and your female neighbours to come over and help you with your chores, especially if you had a new baby in the home. They would do your dishes or help with laundry, and bring you a meal.

When you had a baby (even though the medicine surrounding obstetrics at the time was barbaric) you were in the hospital (if that is where you birthed) for 10 days afterward. In that time a nurse taught you how breastfeed your baby, how to change her, dress him, bathe her, and care for yourself. Then when you got home, you would find that someone had taken care of your other children, made sure they were cleaned, fed, dressed and attended school, and someone had prepared some meals for you.

I am not saying that is the greatest life, but at least the transition into becoming a wife and a mother was a little easier.

Lets take a look at today.

Today, we are in school for years and years. And, yes education is very important and I am by no means saying to leave school early. I was born in the late 1980's and in school I was taught and had it hammered into me that getting a career was the most important thing. I was taught math, science, history, politics, literature, writing, art, and other things. But I was never taught how to run a home, budget for bills and food, what it is like to have a child, how to stay organised, how to shop for a home, and many other things that make up living a normal life in Western Society.

When you get married now, you have to learn your role. I had no idea what it meant to be a wife, and I still don't and am learning everday. I was never taught or spoken too about how to live with another adult, how to budget together, and mesh our lives together. I was just expected to figure out how to do it on my own, when my grandmothers had been taught and given the tools for being a homemaker throughout their lives.

When you have a baby nowadays, most women do go to the hospital (I am not one of those women) and they are sent home with little knowledge of how to change a diaper, bathe a baby or how to breastfeed successfully. They are usually sent home after 12 to 36 hours, longer if needed for medical reasons. I personally wouldn't want to spend 10 days at the hospital but I would like to go home feeling confident and I don't think most women do. You go home and are expected to just rest a few days and then find a "normal" and do everything on your own.

Some family may come and stay with you, but mostly to see the baby. Some families are great and will do all your chores, and let you rest with your baby but those families are becoming far and few. If you want good help you will likely have to pay for it, a Postpartum Doula will do all the things that a village or family used to do after a new baby arrives.

All in all, I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves as mothers to have a clean house, presentable children, and have dinner made for our husbands or partners the minute they walk through the door. But without the help of a village anymore this seemingly simple task, becomes nearly impossible.

So I am asking, if you know someone who has just had a baby, or seems tired and is missing sleep because of a sick, teething or cranky child. Offer some help, it may seem like a small task to fold a basket of laundry, or make her a frozen meal but for her it could really help relieve some stress from her life and give her a few minutes to spend relaxing or tending to her child.

It still takes a village, we just need to remember to help out.

Much Love
Marissa